It's all because of Alyson.

“Really enjoying Palm Springs. Snuck into the hotel...

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 22:31:22 -0400

“Really enjoying Palm Springs. Snuck into the hotel laundry room.” - Saturday night texts from Alyson.

A summary of Alyson’s weekend (she is pictured far left,...

Mon, 21 Jan 2013 11:53:43 -0500

A summary of Alyson’s weekend (she is pictured far left, next to the shirtless man and two down from Snoopy…)

Alyson’s Nativity Adjustments, 2012

Mon, 24 Dec 2012 15:24:20 -0500

Alyson’s Nativity Adjustments, 2012

Weekend update: Alyson behind the wheel… of a yellow...

Sun, 30 Sep 2012 18:06:08 -0400

Weekend update: Alyson behind the wheel… of a yellow cab…

Things Alyson learned in Vegas: The bed “seatbelt”...

Fri, 31 Aug 2012 17:08:20 -0400

Things Alyson learned in Vegas: The bed “seatbelt” doesn’t protect you from the bed falling on top of you.

My sister changed her Facebook profile picture to this…...

Wed, 29 Aug 2012 15:54:00 -0400

My sister changed her Facebook profile picture to this… and her account was instantly suspended. Soooooo. WARNING: DO NOT PHOTOSHOP GUNS N FLAGS INTO YOUR CHILDHOOD PHOTOS, PEOPLE.

#bigbrotheriswatching

A standard Reverend Russo Saturday night…

Mon, 20 Aug 2012 11:13:55 -0400

A standard Reverend Russo Saturday night…

How Alyson goes about opening a coconut.

Tue, 24 Jul 2012 18:07:58 -0400

How Alyson goes about opening a coconut.

Alyson, through the years. Happy 26th Birthday, idiot.

Wed, 09 May 2012 11:02:04 -0400

Alyson, through the years. Happy 26th Birthday, idiot.

Photo

Sat, 21 Apr 2012 16:50:24 -0400

A recent postcard from Alyson to my parents.

Mon, 09 Apr 2012 17:20:16 -0400

A recent postcard from Alyson to my parents.

My sister recent google search history.

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 20:22:57 -0400

My sister recent google search history.

I just looked for a colander in every one of the cabinets in my...

Wed, 22 Feb 2012 22:04:20 -0500

I just looked for a colander in every one of the cabinets in my sister’s apartment. This is what I found in the last cabinet I checked. They all looked at me collectively, burst out laughing and said “You think this bitch has a colander?!? Hahahaha. Fool.”

Recently found in my email inbox, with the subject: MISSING:...

Mon, 30 Jan 2012 16:52:04 -0500

Recently found in my email inbox, with the subject:

MISSING: ALYSON MARIE RUSSO // PLEASE CALL 1-800-911

Alyson’s Saturday night, in sum.

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 20:55:54 -0500

Alyson’s Saturday night, in sum.

Alyson's New Year's Resolutions

Sat, 31 Dec 2011 09:43:01 -0500

1. kill arnold schwarzenegger

2. win nobel peace prize

3. turn my hands into ice cream cones at least once

4. give obama a boner

5. eat more candy

6. say the word ‘fuck’ more often

7. discover a new planet

8. become mexican

9. become an indian chief

10. become an eskimo

11. become asian

12. get some swag

13. die

14. train a dolphin to butt fuck a whale

Christmas 2011: this is what Alyson did to my mother’s...

Sat, 24 Dec 2011 11:24:29 -0500

Christmas 2011: this is what Alyson did to my mother’s nativity set.

"…that’s like, everything i’m looking for in someone. a straight up asshole who..."

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 21:42:00 -0500

“…that’s like, everything i’m looking for in someone. a straight up asshole who doesn’t give a fuck, who grows mustaches for shits and giggles and wears turtlenecks like a champion.”

Alyson is texting me from her fucking airplane, en route to New...

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 14:20:37 -0400

Alyson is texting me from her fucking airplane, en route to New York. So.

"My eyes feel like sad, fat teenage girls."

Sun, 04 Sep 2011 12:54:00 -0400

“My eyes feel like sad, fat teenage girls.”